If you want to be happy, you have to be happy on purpose. When you wake up, you can’t just wait to see what kind of day you’ll have. You have to decide what kind of day you’ll have.
The year is 2018, and you are not afraid anymore. You have a president that brings you to your knees, but you are no longer on them for as many taxonomies of pain as you used to be. You’ve remembered what a life without begging is like. There are no flying cars or methods of teleportation, still not a way to remove certain mutations from genes, but you drink less than you used to and there are plants in your apartment you can now take care of as well as you take care of yourself.
You still fall asleep remembering the photographer who killed himself after capturing an image of the starving child only inches from a vulture, but you’ve come to learn that there is some innate goodness left in human beings after all. It is not a carcass you see in your dreams now, but rather a womb with a tiny glowing heart. There are more ways for you to kill the pain, although the variety you choose from grows smaller and smaller like a closing circle. None of your friends want to die anymore, or at least they’re better at hiding it.
Neither do you. Or at least, you cross bridges only when the stars are out and the moon no longer reminds you of a noose. There are men in power who should not be, and power in men who should transfer it to someone else, and still manpower in the one man who broke you like a crown. He still reigns over your sleeping thoughts, but the anger makes it bearable, and the land he holds is more barren than it used to be.
The year is 2018, and you are not afraid anymore. Women still die from childbirth in countries you’ve never been to, and you’ve come to realize that a c-section is not the first time in a woman’s life she’s been torn open. However, there are some tools for this now, and more birthdays. You’ve made it to 23, despite thinking you’d never make it past 20. You still hate your body, but now you know why.
What sinks you is no longer the idea of hysterectomies, but the idea that a piece of you could be missing and still the body would go on without it.
The year is 2018, and you finally, at long last, are not afraid anymore.
If I’ve learned one lesson from all that’s happened to me, it’s that there’s no such thing as the biggest mistake of your existence. There’s no such thing as ruining your life. Life’s a pretty resilient thing, it turns out.
Everyone’s experience of awakening is unique, evidence of which is often inexplicable. You want to share this new discovery, however, you fear being judged and ridiculed. Remember your life path is your own and the people that are judgemental and the things that no longer serve your higher calling will fall away as you raise your vibration. Do not resist, practise the art of allowing, journey inwards and let your inner-guidance system navigate your evolution.
“I am a believer in meditation that isn’t thought of as traditional meditation. It can be in the form of music or walking or painting or anything else that carries you into the flow state. Getting lost, isn’t actually getting lost, that’s the paradox. Getting lost is actually going inward. Getting lost is finding ourselves in a deeper capacity. Getting lost is sometimes essential to growth and ultimately a greater understanding”
So for one month, this is going to be your meditation: live the moment, and bring yourself again and again to the present. Whenever you escape into the future or the past, catch hold, bring yourself back. And for one month, with no worry, not seeking security – just live. And everything will be okay. Everything is always okay.
When the world has betrayed you
And made you forget who you are
You look at the night sky
And watch them shine at you from afar
They still love you dearly,
because you are their favourite memoir.
You see, every atom,
every vein, every scar
even those bits of you
that you think are bizarre
were lovingly crafted
from the blood of the stars.
Nikita Gill, With Love From The Night Sky (via meanwhilepoetry)
